It's time to face the music

I have not been back here since our failed IVF in October. It was just too gut wrenchingly painful to come back here where we had documented all our hopes and dreams, just to have them crushed by a simple blood test. But I feel it's time to start blogging again.  I think it will help me clear my thoughts and get me a little more right in the head as we gear up for this next round of IVF.   Right in the head, LOL, what the hell does that really mean anyways?  What about left or center in the head?!?  LOL  I don't have a whole lot of time to post right now, other than to say.... I'm coming back, baby!  So be prepared!  The insanity is about to be unleashed....

Not Pregnant :(

As most of you have probably already heard, the IVF was not successful. :(  I started spotting Sunday night and I knew it was over. I still went in for a beta because you can spot and still be pregnant, but of course it was negative.  It's been a very bitter pill to swallow.  We've shed a lot of tears, gone through every emotion in the book and slowly but surely we are picking ourselves back up and looking toward the future.

For the time being, we are looking into the Texas Foster to Adopt program. We go to our first informational meeting on Saturday morning. We will keep you all posted on what we find out. It won't be a quick process but it will be worth it if we can open our home up to a child or children in need.  Maybe we will get lucky and get a baby that we can eventually adopt and give a forever home.

As for whether we will do IVF again, only time will tell.  We have so many mixed emotions about it.  And even if we did want to jump back into it, we just couldn't make it work financially.  Every bit of savings and money that we had went into that last cycle. The absolute soonest we could financially make it work is six months from now and that is if everything goes just according to plan, which we all know rarely happens.  We haven't given up on trying IVF again, but it's definitely on hold.

So for right now we are going to put our focus on the foster to adopt program, and just enjoy being just the two of us for now.  I do truly enjoy all the time we get to spend together and the freedom we have to just go and do.

Thank you all for your support and prayers!  We have appreciated them!  

Home Sweet Home

Hey everyone!

Well we made it home Monday at 1:30 pm.  It was a long and exhausting 13 hours of flying, but we made it!  Glen and I had this rocking feeling for the rest of the day until we crashed at 7:00.  Our bodies have done a pretty good job with the jet lag and getting back into the groove with this time zone.  Istanbul was 8 hours ahead of Texas.

It was funny, because when we went to pick up Wiley and Wilson they didn't recognize us for a minute.  They came up to us like, Hmmm....new people.  Then we both said, Hey boys!  And they started going NUTS jumping up and down and barking!  I was like did y'all already forget about us? Wiley has stayed pretty close since we brought him home. He's always been such a Momma and Daddy's boy.

Glen is back to work and I'm working on getting my Scentsy business going again especially with the holidays coming.  This a great time to start booking parties to get free product and to buy gifts for the holidays.  I think I'm going to go up to Eagle Mountain Elementary here in the next couple of weeks and let everyone smell the new scents and pass out the new catalog for the fall/winter.

They have a super cute warmer out right now for Halloween called Fright Night. I actually just got it yesterday.  Here is a picture of it!  Let me know if any of you are interested in ordering one!



I'm feeling MUCH better!  Last week was horrible and I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but this week I'm feeling much more like myself!  The progesterone shots are going well.  Glen is doing a fantastic job of giving them!  I'm so proud of him.  He's been such so supportive husband and a trooper during all this!  If it were the reverse, I know I would have passed out a few times already from all the things he has seen while holding my hand.  I'm really surprised I never passed out during all of it. I guess I just did a really good job of turning my head and trying to think of anything but what was going on.

The blood pregnancy test is scheduled for 9:00 am on Monday, October 4.  The time can't fly by quick enough!   I'm on pins and needles wanting to know the result.  I'm cautiously optimistic. It's REALLY hard for me to even think about or fathom that it will be positive.  Since I started down this path over six years ago with my first husband and now continuing with Glen, all I have seen is negative pregnancy tests, heartache, and disappointment. It's just what I have come to expect.  I wish I could have more certainty that it worked, but after so many years of disappointment the heart and mind get to where they put up walls so as to help buffer the hurt if is to fail.  I know last week I was thinking I can never go through this again and this is my only shot.  But I'm so thankful that God allows the mind to forget pain so easily, and now a week later I'm like I will try this ONE more time and that's it. After that we will pursue adoption. I'm not so hell-bent on having my own biological kids as I am on just being a Mom.  There are many ways to get to the status of Mom other than being pregnant and giving birth.

 I'm so loving this wonderful weather here!  It's just absolutely beautiful!!  I love being able to have the windows open and to feel the breeze blowing through the house!  I can't wait to go the State Fair.  I'm suppose to be going here in the next week and I can't wait!!!

I hope you all are doing well!  Thank you all for your support and prayers!

Staci

Day 26 in Turkey--Goodbye Turkey

Hey everyone!

Well today was our last day here in Turkey.  We have had a blast, but we are SOOOOO glad to be heading home.  Starting this past week, the homesickness and had really set in.  We will be catching our shuttle late tonight at 2:30 am, or I guess you could say really early Monday morning.  Our flight leaves at 5:55 am for Amsterdam and then from there to Dallas.  We should arrive in Dallas at 1:40 pm tomorrow afternoon!

As for today, we spent the afternoon packing and then we took a taxi to the nearest mall called the Neomarine.  We just had to get out, and we had to get some food other than the stuff they had here!  This was our first time out in a week so we definitely had cabin fever.   We knew after the egg retrieval, that I was to take it easy, but we never anticipated I would have been so sick with all the different complications that we couldn't go anywhere for an entire week!  At the mall we had some Turkish food and Burger King.  We had the Doner Durum, which was that burrito shaped thing we were saying we liked before.   The Doner was no where as good as the ones we got in Taxim.  :-(   Then we shared Burger King as well, which was really good. Tasted just like in the states, and the french fries were so good and hot.  But the Turkish people just can't figure out the fountain drink, and it ain't that hard!!  Everyone of them is terrible, regardless of where you get it!  It's like almost all carbonated water and very little syrup!  Yick!  Another item to add to the Won't be Missing list!

We were really fortunate to have gotten off the hospital property as much as we did in the beginning. There was only one thing that we wanted to see that we didn't get to and that was the Topkapi Palace. We were planning on seeing it between the egg retrieval and embryo transfer, but that didn't happen. :-(  But it's ok!  We aren't super disappointed that we didn't get to see it, because we did all the major things that we wanted to do and see.  Which is what matters!

I'm feeling MUCH better!  Pretty much feel like my normal self again which is so nice. For a few days there I felt like I had been hit by a truck.  Glen gave his first shot today!  I was so proud of him! It did't hurt at all!!  Up until this point the nurses at the hospital have been giving me my progesterone shots, or as we call them my "butt shots."  Yesterday, the nurses taught Glen how to do it since he will have to be the one administering them from now on.  He was a VERY good student!  I have started telling him he's the best male nurse I have ever had!  LOL He's considering changing his profession!  NOT!!!  He, he!  Love you sweetie!

Well I guess that's about it for us!  We just finished packing and now we are going to watch a movie on the lap top, and then try and catch a couple hours of sleep before getting up at 2:00 am to leave.  We are SO excited to be coming home!  Yipppeee!!

See you all soon!

Lots of love,

Staci & Glen

Day 25 in Turkey - All Clear

Hi everybody.  Thank you for your prayers.  We saw the doctor today and she said that she didn’t see enough fluid to cause concern.  So I didn’t have to be drained again today.   Yippee!!      She said the body should absorb the fluid that is still left and she thinks that we won’t have this problem again.  She wished us luck and hoped for positive news from us in the next coming weeks.

Today was uneventful.  We just stuck around the hotel and lobby of the hospital consumed with a lot of reading.  I’m almost finished with the book “Best Friends Forever” by Jennifer Weiner and Glen is almost halfway through the Count of Monte Cristo.  He downloaded it free on his iPhone.

We are looking forward to coming back.  We are counting down the hours until we leave.  We keep debating what our first meal will be when we make it back to the States.  Right now Mexican is at the top of the list.  Nothing beats chips and salsa!  LOL.

We hope you are all doing well.  We’ve missed you all and look forward to seeing you super soon.

Lots of love,

Staci and Glen

Day 24 in Turkey - Bloated Toad

Hey everyone!  Well today was one of the better days I’ve had in a few.  After they drained over 2 liters from my abdomen yesterday, I was feeling a lot lighter and could breathe a lot easier.  As the day progressed, I started to feel some of that fluid returning.  :(  The fluid is from my ovaries -- draining out the excess fluid into my abdomen.  From what I’ve been reading, this symptom occurs more often than they let on.  It’s called ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrome.  

Tomorrow, we have an appointment with the doctor and we will see if we need to drain it again.  Please pray that all this fluid resolves itself and I won’t have to be drained again tomorrow.  It’s a very uncomfortable process that I would really not like to have to experience again.

As for adventures, there were none, other than exploring the cafeteria at mealtimes.  You never know what you’ll find.  I won’t be sad if I don’t see another Turkish dish ever.  LOL.  We are quite homesick and we are so glad that we’ll be coming back super soon (the 27th).  We leave very late Sunday night or very early Monday morning.  The shuttle will pick us up from the hotel at 2:30 am and our flight leaves at 5:55 am.

We can’t wait to see everyone, and see our dogs as well.  We heard Wilson, has taken up swimming lately.

Staci and Glen

Day 23 in Turkey

Well I guess Staci felt she really should get out of the hotel room!!!  What better way to spend a day, than in the hospital.  NOT!!!  I mean, we admitted that the bed will drive one to require orthopedic surgery, but that is certainly an understatement.  Sometimes it’s like a death sentence to serve the remainder of our time on this rock (they call a bed)!!!  LOL.  Staci actually admitted the hospital bed was more comfortable than the one in our room.  It’s a funny site to behold, our bed.  We, today, asked for 2 additional thick blankets to add to the pile we already accumulated over time.  It requires serious effort to make sure housekeeping does not steal any of our bed linens each day.  It is to the point, that we will often leave the “No Disturbing” sign on our door all day long as to protect our biggest pride and possession (not the laptop --- NO, but our bed linens)  LOL.  It’s like the princess and the pea.  But it’s still hard as a rock.  We will see if tomorrow morning we awake and are not in considerable pain and/or agony.  Last night was a killer.  Each night, the bed seems worse.

In all seriousness, Staci had been feeling some symptoms that required attention.  Today we went to see the doctor.  Unfortunately, Dr. Arici left today for a 3-day conference regarding embryo implantation techniques in France.  This left us in the hands, of the other doctor, who I’m sure is good, but we associate her with pain.  Whether, right or wrong, we attribute some of her “roughness” with the pain Staci has suffered.  So we try to avoid her, and frankly we really wanted to see the real expert, Dr. Arici.  The pain is real, so we were desperate for any physician to examine her.  Anyway, Staci had symptoms of shortness of breath, pain and so forth, which was not improving.  We thought initially that the pain was because of built-up gas or pressure, as the pain was displaced throughout different locations of her body.  We were not sure if this was normal or not.

The doctor said she would examine Staci.  The examination revealed that there actually was considerable “fluid” from her ovaries released into her stomach cavity area.  She instructed us that she could perform a procedure to extract it.  It would involve no anesthesia, the prick of a needle would be felt, but in the end no more pain and a lot of relief.

We agreed, so then a slow process began.  After an hour, we learned that there was quite a lot of fluid.  The amount of fluid that they slowly extracted was described to the tune of  2 liters and 500 ml (which I think is 2 and a half liters).  Wow!!!   Can you imagine how much that is?   I know I can drink that much soda in 5 minutes, but WHOA!  LOL.  We then knew, why she is in so much pain. As I was with Staci, I kept asking how she was doing.  She was such a wonderful woman,  I wish she didn’t have to go through so much pain to have a baby, let alone babies.  This was just the beginning and even our peers in IVF never had to do this either.  I hated that she had to endure this additional “torture” from my angle.  It is terrible that one would have to endure this.  I was relieved, that as gradually more liquid was extracted from her, that she was able to breathe, laugh, sneeze, and operate freely.  I wished that I would have known this to be the case and expedited this procedure before.  This truly was a great way to lose weight!! LOL  j/k. Don’t get me wrong.  Staci did seem to “be showing” way too early, and if you know me, that is the least of our concerns.  I have been humbled at what she has gone through, and know that none of this and none of what is to come is pleasant.  We both know that the final product of having children is the most rewarding adventure for a mother (and a father).  It is only the magical “forgetting” of the pain that allows a mother to consider having a second.  

I have no place to speak here.  Staci is the trooper.  I am just writing this to allow her more time to sleep.  Today, she was taking it easy.  She is doing much better now.  She is more comfortable, more free to breathe, and laugh, and everything.  Hormones are plentiful and she has been a little more susceptible to tears.  This is natural and I try to console her.  She is wonderful!  I am in awe, and just grateful to all mothers.
Saturday, we might need to repeat the procedure.  We will see.  We have an appointment Saturday morning.  The doctor will then decide after the examination if we need to repeat it.  Hopefully not, because it still was painful.  It was more than a needle “prick” as she promised.

Unfortunately, we learned that none of the remaining embryos are healthy enough to be frozen for additional IVF cycles if we chose or required them.  This is kind of disappointing to us as well.  We felt lucky to have 7 other what looked like good prospects a couple days ago.  But this is how IVF goes.  Everyone’s story is different.  We have had peer IVF couples with lots of eggs, they were even able to freeze them.
Friday or Saturday is the time we think the 3 embryos will “implant”.  This is one of the last hurdles of IVF.  The embryos must implant and some say “hatch”.   The science surrounding this, according to my understanding is very limited.  It is still unknown why an embryo will succeed or fail to implant.  So, we must rely on prayer and nature.

Given, all the adventures today, please continue to pray for us.  Sometimes, we worry about hyper-stimulation with the extra-fluid and/or other symptoms.  There are too many worries and emotions.  Just like normal parents have worry about their children as they grow, too many people going through IVF have to worry about all these symptoms and challenges before they are born.  We try to just think positively about having this result in healthy babies.

Thank you again.

Glen and Staci